Split in half

Hi internet! Don’t know if anyone is reading this but that’s okay with me because I’m writing for my own enjoyment really.

This post is for all of you who have parents who are hella strict and when I say hella, I mean hella. That is, you’re of legal age but still can’t go out late and can’t sleep over and basically your parents still have a lot of control over you. I just wanted to write a little something you can read and just relate to because in a world so big with so many people I totally understand just feeling lost sometimes and feeling alone. Just so I can be a familiar face to you all, this is me from last night when I went out for a friend’s 19th, unedited and all because I want to be as open about who I am and if that means no filters, so be it:

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So I’ve been 18 for about a month now and before I write anything I want you all to know that I am writing about how hard it is trying to be a part of two different worlds. Even though sometimes I do go out drinking with my friends, my parents don’t know, and I still have to hide it from them. It’s so very hard because honesty is something I value so much and I really, really don’t like lying to the people I love ever and this is what it has come down to. I enjoy drinking because as a natural over-thinker and stresser I really struggle to ever fully relax and enjoy time with my friends and having a couple drinks helps me do that. Ma absolutely hates alcohol and I don’t want to be a failure in her eyes so I do have to hide this from my parents; one of many things I have to do just to keep that respect from them.

So there’s a bit of the back story but I just want to write about how hard it can be assimilating into a Western world when you’ve grown up with an Eastern background.

My parents are Indian through and through but as I said in my previous post, I was born and raised in Australia and so I’ve had a really hard time trying to fit in. I have friends who know I’m different in that sense and they don’t love me any less for it but, I guess as a loser for my full 12 years of schooling it’s something I’m really sensitive about. Finally in Uni I have this incredible group of friends that honestly I never would’ve thought I would have just because they’re the kind of guys that loser, high-school Chandra would’ve thought were a lot better than her. Everyday it really blows my mind to think that as I am, there are people in this world that actually care about me! Who would’ve thunk it?!

I have low self-esteem and I mean it’s hard not to but it’s something that makes me stronger as a person too I think. So the message I wanted to get across really was just that there’s always things that are going to hold you back in life and make you feel shitty about yourself but just remember that everything happens for a reason. Even though parents can be really hard – trust me, I’ve had more than my fair share of it – they do things because they love you and want to know that without them you’d still function as a good person and be just as capable your own human.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

– Chan

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